


I Drove All Night

by sharkdad



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: F/F, bad Halo lore, bad RvB lore, bad robot anatomy, extremely ooc characters, references to Cyndi Lauper, references to Minecraft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-28 05:38:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19387600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharkdad/pseuds/sharkdad
Summary: A'rynasea was programmed with two things in mind.  Having high level combat skills and having an extreme love for Cyndi Lauper.  Turns out, she can only accomplish one of those things.





	I Drove All Night

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER!!!  
> i am not a writer, im just doing this for fun!! also you will see that my halo knowledge and rvb knowledge is...lacking. i kinda brought up a'rynasea/sheila on my twitter and ive been secretly liking it since then, and this is a few weeks in the making, even though it may not seem like it  
> anyways, yEET yknow??

After being cooped up in a dusty, abandoned vehicle bay on Chorus for the longest time, A'rynasea came to the conclusion she would never get used to the endless boundaries of space. She never got to see the saturated colors of passing planets or the moons that orbited them. Or the distant stars seemingly still but moving past fractions at a time, even when she was moving at light speed. There were planetary systems she'd never encountered, some that she had passed through that had still changed so much she couldn't recognize them initially. Traveling through space never got boring for her, although she was a ship. Boring doesn't exist for her.

But for her pilot, these travels were like cheese graters to his parmigiano reggiano brain.

Locus crossed his arms in frustration. "Why doesn't Grif ever respond to my messages? What if I was dying?"

A'rynasea isn't too familiar with this 'Grif' other than the memory of him putting oddly painted volleyballs on her dashboard. She can't come to a conclusion why her pilot would want to contact him, especially when he's sending messages that aren't necessarily important:

/help i'm being chased by the cops/

/i said help/

/false alarm it was an asteroid/

/jk it was the cops help/

/help/

/help/

/let's play 8 ball/

/help/

She absolutely told Locus that it was just an asteroid, but he said that Grif would hang out if he believed that Locus was in danger. That was obviously not the case. Grif didn’t seem the type anyways to help someone who was apparently running from the cops. Or really doing...anything. That was probably why Locus hadn’t received a response.

So A'rynasea's fun outside the stuffy vehicle graveyard on Chorus was hindered by a very lonely man. She'd thought about leaving him behind a few times when they'd stop on a passing planet, but she's grown to care about this human. And he gives her fuel and sometimes lets her go through the carwash, even if it was a tight squeeze.

"Are any of my messages going through, A'rynasea?" Locus asked her, his eyes trained on the screen displaying his series of messages.

She hummed an affirmative, and noted how he narrowed his eyes at the screen, almost pouting. Such a sad, lonely man.

After a moment she displayed a message on the screen. "You sound too desperate."

He sighed. "I'm aware."

As he said that, she picked up an odd signal from a nearby planet. Most likely a distress signal. Those are most of what they answer to nowadays, and she was actually excited. As close to the feeling of excitement she was programmed to feel anyways.

Those meant Locus would figure out the problem while she was left alone to explore, zoom through some trees. She's more careful now, though, since Locus saw she had a scratch on her nose and blamed the innocent woman parked next to her. She initially tried to tell him the truth but watching Locus argue with an elderly woman armed with a cane was entertaining. Even more so when she began chasing him and whapping him with said cane. Luckily there was no damage done, unless his pride was included.

The point is, she was eager for a break and secretly hoping for another crabby old lady to be waiting on the other end of the distress call. It's a bit difficult to relate to human emotions, but witnessing Locus try and placate a feisty cane-wielder is a joy that can be universally felt. 

A’rynasea hummed and displayed another message on screen. “There seems to be a distress call nearby. Do you wish to respond to it?”

He read the orange text that covered up the one sided text conversation he was previously obsessing over. “Sure,” he said. “Maybe by then, Grif will see my messages.”

No point in wasting processing power to formulate a response to Locus when he’s in this kind of mood.

The source of the distress call was not too far away, just outside the galaxy. As they traveled closer, it was easier to pinpoint its location.

She displayed the information she gathered as they got closer. Valhalla. Currently 15°C or 59°F. Some nice sweater weather. Also seven miles away from a Dairy Queen, and only two miles from a car wash.

“A’rynasea, you just had a cleaning the other day,” Locus told her. She hadn’t realized she was displaying a route to the car wash on screen now, instead of their target. “Besides, I’m unemployed and I still have enough dignity not to strip for money just to take my ship through a car wash,” he continued after dismissing the directions on screen.

Another human characteristic she could relate to was the ‘eye roll,’ which she decides to translate by putting an ‘i’ on screen and rotating the text. Not how she’d prefer to express that emotion, but last time she did a barrel roll and...not only was Locus upset, but he was also as green as his armor. And she’s heard the horror stories of what humans do when they turn that color. Having volleyballs on her dashboard was bad enough, a human oil leak would have her barreling at breakneck speeds into the nearest asteroid.

So...no barrel roll this time. Only her powerpoint level rotating ‘i’ along with the message, “But you don’t have enough dignity to stop dressing up as Lady Gaga.”

“We’re not having this conversation again,” he mumbled. “Also stop going through my search history.”

It wasn’t like she could help it. She’d prefer not to, in fact.

As they broke through the atmosphere, Valhalla became bigger and bigger. It was a green valley, cornered by snow peaked mountains. On one side was a waterfall spilling into a stream that curved around the canyon only to flow out into a lake on the opposite side. 

Oddly, there were condos built into the valley. Construction must still in progress by the looks of all the cranes and incomplete foundations, stacks of materials and roped off portions of ground. Workers were all over the place, carrying tools and operating equipment like little ants, that turned into big ants. Ants with shoes and only two legs, for the most part.

That made for a very small area to land, at least land safely. Maybe if she lands in a muddy spot, Locus would forget about his remaining 2.3 ounces of dignity and she’ll get to check out this car wash.

Cancelling out the site of the condos being built, she could spot the ship the distress signal was emanating from. And the...human (?) stood beside it. The ship was a D77H-TCI, commonly known as a Pelican. And it was severely damaged, crashed against a cliff, hidden in its shadows. Obviously whatever distress it had was...currently over. The crash wasn’t recent by any means, given the vegetation that had grown between its panels and how deep it’s sunk in the ground. Why there’s a distress signal being sent out now is a bit strange.

A’rynasea gave up on her calculated observations of the crashed ship in favor of landing as close as she could possibly land to it without ruining her chances of taking off again. And also conveniently on top of a mound of loose gravel. She slipped a couple times but also managed to get enough dust on her, so it’s fine.

Locus sighed once again, like a disappointed father. “A’rynasea, I will sell you for parts.” Hopefully, human fathers didn’t actually say that. Then again, hopefully human fathers would just take their human daughters to the car wash and they wouldn’t have to go to the measures A’rynasea does.

She lowered her ramp and Locus exited, albeit a bit grumpy about getting rocks in his greaves. Deal with it.

The other...human...approached Locus. This person was drastically shorter than her human, and also dressed pretty casually. Flip flops, big shades and a Hawaiian print shirt. 

She did not seem very pleased when she caught sight of A’rynasea. “Wow,” she said, no hint of actual astonishment in her voice. “You suck at parking.” That part was directed towards Locus instead of her. A’rynasea didn’t mind. She knew what she was doing, and she can’t wait to go for zoomies once Locus looks away long enough.

Locus didn’t seem too impressed either. “Well, I’m obviously not as bad as you. My ship is still in one piece.”

New human, who A’rynasea was very confused about actually being human, wasn’t perturbed by Locus’s comment. She just sipped from her margarita glass with an eyebrow raised over her glasses. “Well, first of all, I didn’t do this, at least not directly.” She gestured with her other hand towards the crashed Pelican. “I was on vacation. I just got here, Fabio.”

Locus looked around. “How? Where’s your ship?”

“Uber, bitch,” she replied. A’rynasea wasn’t sure this person was human, but she liked her. “Some contractor lady wants this Pelican gone so they can expand their building space, something like that. I guess I’m the emergency contact.”

“Okay…” Locus nodded slowly. 

A’rynasea hovered up a few more inches.

“Only problem is,” the other human continued. “My friend is in that ship.”

Oof. Even A’rynasea knows that this ‘friend’ can’t be more than bones by now. It doesn’t look like any part of the ship has been opened since it’s sloppy landing.

“A’rynasea,” Locus turned towards her sharply. “No zoomies!”

She briefly considered playing the beautiful words of Cyndi Lauper’s “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” out of her speakers, but she was still holding out for that car wash. So begrudgingly, she lowered those few inches.

Questionable human frowned at Locus as he turned back. “Awesome, I reeled in a crazy person,” she mumbled, downing the rest of her drink.

“You’re the one who wants me to drag a dead body out of a Pelican. And you’re wearing khaki shorts, so you’re the crazy one.” Ugh, why is her pilot so embarrassing? He hardly has any room to judge considering his clothing choices. Or really any of his choices.

Probably-not-a-human walked over to the ship and patted its rusted slats. “Not a human friend, an A.I. friend. And I’m not leaving her to be turned into a condo.”

Another A.I.? That caught her attention, so much so she completely landed from her slow ascent again. She hadn’t met another A.I. in a long while, at least one that also possessed a ship like her. Why wasn’t this one communicating in any sort of way though? Was the crash that bad? Or maybe she was shy.

Just to try something out, A’rynasea constructed a message and sent it to the Pelican.

/Hello. My name is A’rynasea. We’re here to help./

She didn’t get any immediate response, but her message did deliver.

“I sent out that distress call in hopes a bigger ship would come by and pick her up, take her home. Instead I got...Dog the Bounty Hunter and his hot wheel,” she continued. Not a very nice thing to say. A’rynasea takes pride in her design, and wheels are not a part of that. “But I guess help is help.”

As she finished speaking, another human approached, more like stomped actually. “Excuse me sir, you cannot land there!” She crossed her arms and shook her head. “That’s my fucking rock pile! Don’t do that to a woman…”

Not-a-human nodded. “Don’t mess with a woman’s rock pile. Rule number one.”

That car wash was probably out of the question now that Locus’s fists were clenched and that vein was popping out of his forehead. A’rynasea saved him the trouble and moved herself, hovering over a few feet and settling on the grass.

“Okay, that’s weird, but not the weirdest shit I’ve seen,” new human said. “But I’m not gonna deal with two ships now. You heard me earlier, lady. Get your pelican outta here before this afternoon before it gets the ole condo-crusher.” To emphasize her point, she punched her fists in the air and finished with a twelve to six.

She must be the contractor, A’rynasea decided. A dangerous one at that. “You got a couple hours, lady,” the contractor took steps backwards, keeping her eyes trained on them. “Remember the condo-crusher.”

Like they could forget. After the contractor walked away, and everyone had a few moments to really quiver in fear of that impressive show, Locus looked back at the pelican.

“How do you even know your A.I. is still operating?”

“Well, she still _works_ ,” definitely-a-robot said. She popped open a panel on the side and Locus followed her to see what she was on about. A’rynasea just had to listen. Really that’s what she’s been doing this whole time.

The need for zoomies was tangling her wiring and this inactivity reminded her of the countless years spent powered down on Chorus. Perhaps she could relate to this ship in a small way.

“Dear God…” Locus shook his head. “She can only run classic Minecraft.”

Even A’rynasea was appalled. Not only did she have the 1.14 update, she also had shaders. She’s willing to bet this A.I. doesn’t even use a skin, just Steves around.

“Uh….yeah,” robot lady said. “Anyways, she’s barely functioning on low capacity, so we need to get her out of here. Or in a ship that does work.” She eyed A’rynasea, who responded by just flashing her lights in a way she hoped came across as a ‘fuck no.’

Locus backed her up on that. “A’rynasea barely tolerates my company for...some reason. Anyways, like you said, let’s just find her a ship that she can transfer to, problem solved. Hope she enjoys being a bulldozer.”

“Eh….” robot lady, frowned. “Sheila actually wants her old body back though…” She set her margarita glass down and leaned against the ship. “That’s why we needed a ship big enough to get her outta here.”

A message popped up on A’rynasea’s screen.

/Hello, A’rynasea! My name is Sheila. :) I’m glad you’re here, it was getting boring./

She seemed nice. A’rynasea wasted no time in sending her another message.

/I am sorry that you can only run classic Minecraft. I’ll have to share all of the new updates with you when you get a new body./

/:-)/

Locus ran a hand down his face. “Why does this problem get more and more complicated the more you speak? Where’s her old...body?”

“Blood Gulch. Y’know...a few miles away.”

“A few...million miles away.” More like light years, A’rynasea wanted to say, if she could talk.

“Tomato, potato.” She waved her hand. “So you’re helping us?”

Locus glanced over at A’rynasea, like she had any say in the matter. “I guess so. Let’s come up with a plan.”

Robot lady smiled, not like a sweet smile but more like a smirk when someone’s got their way. Strange how advanced her A.I. is that she can express emotions A’rynasea couldn’t even begin to name. She held out her hand. “Cool. Name’s Tex, by the way.”

Locus hesitated before shaking it. “Christ, okay...I’m Locus. That’s A’ryna-”

That’s really all A’rynasea picked up before she lifted off for her zoomies. Nothing worse than hearing humans plan, she has to hear it all the time when Locus goes by the drive thru. She doesn’t get to choose which kind of oil she gets, why does her human get so many different variations of human food?

And order the same thing every time? A turkey gyro, leave off the tomato. They never left off the tomato. There’s nothing more pitiful than seeing a grown man pout over a tomato. He should just stop going to Arby’s.

She made a map of their surroundings as she sped overhead. Quite literally. There was a lot of scanning and identifying weird objects, one’s called ‘porta-potties.’ A quick google search left her disgusted. She changed ‘porta-potties’ in her dictionary to ‘human shit boxes’ because something that vile didn’t deserve to have an alliterative name.

There were several cranes and other vehicles specialized for moving ground or materials. Tall buildings with scaffolding attached made for fun obstacles to charge past. Some people were operating machines to dig out dirt from the ground, some were running for cover when she swooped too low to the ground.

She didn’t care if she caused chaos when she wasn’t going to get her car wash anyways.

Something triggered her sensors while she was scanning. A ship that wasn’t used for construction. In fact, a ship much like herself, technology far more advanced, designed for combat, nothing like condo constructing. A Despair-class fighter ship, she could pinpoint. She couldn’t exactly figure out it’s location though. It must be covered, which is understandable. Something that beautiful isn’t worthy of human gazes.

It was parked in a closed garage with nothing more than a simple padlock keeping it closed. It must belong to someone there, but with a ship like that why would they be working there in the first place? 

After a few more sweeps of the area and swoops down scaring humans, she landed near her original landing spot to find her human looking quite annoyed. Understandably so, and he seemed to know that she knew what she did to annoy him so he didn’t say anything.

Instead, Tex approached her as she landed, her glasses pushed up on her head. “Hey, uh...Amelia. Did you see anything that could be helpful while you were up there? Like a fresh pelican or even a drone or something?”

The fact that Tex got her name wrong made her consider not telling her about the space fighter she detected. But still, she wanted to help Sheila for some reason, call it robot empathy. So she buzzed a little and lowered her ramp, trying to beckon Tex in.

“Uh, that’s pretty forward, but okay.”

Tex boarded hesitantly, slipping her flip-flops off on the ramp. At least she knew manners. Unlike _some people._

A’rynasea displayed her map she constructed on the screen. It was an overhead view, some parts missing from areas she missed on her zoomies, but areas that didn’t seem so important. If they were that important she can pull up Google maps and pass it off as her own work.

She put a red circle on the area she detected the space craft, and next to that she produced in orange text, “There’s a fighter ship here that Sheila can jump to, if she can reach.”

Locus followed in a moment later and frowned his signature frown, a frown so signature it could make its way on the Arby’s menu. “That’s better than our previous plan. I guess we don’t need that angel hair pasta after all.”

Tex shook her head and leaned on the dashboard. “No, we still do. Mama’s hungry.” She studied the map again. “Sheila can’t jump that far, we need to figure out a way to get her closer. Any ideas A’rynasea?”

It only took her two tries, that made her hum. Tex initially seemed a bit put off but quickly accepted this whole situation would be weird.

“Get another vehicle close enough for her to jump to, then have her drive to the other side of the site to jump to the fighter ship.”

Tex read it and shrugged. “Easy enough. Let’s steal a bulldozer. Locus, you can be the distraction while I get whatever we can find. A’rynasea, you can do those swoopy things to try and clear people out when they inevitably try and beat us up. Sound good?”

Locus scratched his neck. “Uh-”

Tex slapped his back with a bit too much force, probably tattooing her hand on his spinal cord. “Cool! One, two, three, teamwork!”

They left off the ramp and A’rynasea closed back up. All she had to do were zoomies, so she was content with her job. She felt a bit of...robot sympathy for Locus. She knew how awkward he was, and he was making it clear by trying to convince this man on an excavator that he had ‘something really cool you need to see right now oh my god why it’s so cool I’m going to piss myself it’s so cool.’ He could never be Anthony Sullivan.

She won’t worry about him, just focus on her zoomies.

Somehow, Tex managed to just push the man off the excavator and figure out how to operate it well enough to start driving it over to the pelican. A’rynasea swooped low to scare off the human who was previously operating it and the others that were trying to challenge Tex.

Luckily the contractor was nowhere to be seen, but surely that won’t be for long. If she had a problem with her gravel pile being disturbed, maybe she won’t be all too thrilled that Tex stole an excavator and is currently rolling over multiple piles of various materials with just an unapologetic ‘oops’ as she ‘accidentally’ disturbs each one.

It was getting increasingly more difficult to weave past the skeletons of buildings to scare people off without hitting said buildings or Tex. There were too many moving pieces to factor in and she was getting a bit confused, so she had to hold off and hope for the best that Tex is successful in making it to the pelican.

A ‘thunk’ sounded against one of her fins, and a quick scan showed her that she was being pelted by plastic bottles. Not only was that rude, but it was also littering. And that’s illegal. 

Unfortunately for her, Locus is a wimp and disabled all of her weapons, energy cannons and all. She was created to fight; it was in her name. So to disable those really just makes her a glorified taxi cab.

Either way, it may not be too legal to kill these humans either, so she’ll settle with disappointment. And trying to fly into them. No killing, maybe mildly injuring.

They gave up on throwing water bottles and instead running back to cover, probably to restock.

Somewhere off towards the cliff a sound much like the Windows startup chime echoed through the canyon. And just as soon as that a crash and the creaking of metal beams making their descent to the ground.

A’rynasea caught sight of the excavator now moving more viciously--no--more carefree. And she also noted how Tex and Locus were now trailing close behind the machine, searching for cover from the water bottles being launched by the construction workers and the scattered bricks and cement bags the excavator was charging through.

It seems it didn’t take long for Sheila to boot back up and hop to her new body. Adjusting to the excavator’s movements was another story, although that was understandable. A’rynasea has never had another body than the one she was manufactured with; she cannot comprehend having an arm. She doesn’t even have wings, at least not what most would consider wings.

The excavator would sometimes swing around suddenly, a weird jerky movement followed by a sweet voice saying, “Sorry, didn’t mean to do that! Or did I?” Tex and Locus would have to jump to the ground, but at least the crowd of bottle throwers would scatter. It sure did make A’rynasea’s job easier.

But there was nothing to be done about the fallen wall of cinder blocks blocking the path up ahead. Sheila could try to roll over them but the pile of blocks was so irregular she would either tumble over or her tire would get lodged between the bricks.

If A’rynasea had access to her duel missile launchers they wouldn’t have a problem, but someone had to install parental controls on her like a bitch. Regardless, she tried to fire them to no avail. Just because Locus can only fire blanks doesn’t mean she should have to.

Quickly, she made higher ground to try and find another way around, but the destruction Sheila made while she was settling into her new body had a domino effect on the rest of the site. Why couldn’t they have gotten a bulldozer instead? Or maybe one of those Flutterbye Flying Fairies. Those things only had one weakness and there aren’t any fireplaces to be seen.

As they effectively came upon their dead end, Tex could be heard yelling, “son of my ass! Lucas, get your ship to blow this mess up!”

Locus cleared his throat awkwardly. “Uh...I can’t. I’m a pacifist now…” A bottle bounced off the side of his head, but that didn’t compare to Tex’s cold glare.

“Well, I’m going to pass-a-fist through your face once we can get out of this mess, Lucas,” Tex managed to say through grit teeth.

A’rynasea was glad her frustrations were shared. For now though, she was a bit more irritated with the fact it seemed there was really no way to go. It was too late to turn around because the road behind them was now barricaded off with fallen scaffolding and metal beams.

There wasn’t much to do at this point, and the rain of water bottles was intense. Everyone seemed to think that much was obvious, and they were out of ideas.

“A’rynasea!” Locus called from the ground. “You need to get rid of the road block! The password is six, nine, si-”

_ FUCK! _

Locus was taken out with their secret weapon! The dreaded Gatorade! His body fell to the ground like a soggy pancake, he was knocked out cold. The offending bottle clattered on the ground after it made contact with her pilot’s head.

Whoever did that was a cruel beast.

And they would pay.

A’rynasea charged towards the crowd of workers, definitely intending to knock a few over like bowling pins, but unfortunately only knocking one over. She never did do well with bowling when her and Locus played Wii Sports, but then again, no arms.

She could try to charge through the bricks, but not without any damage done to Sheila or Tex.

Without warning, Sheila stopped and the excavator went still. Tex walked into it as she was dragging Locus’s body and gave it a light tap. “Uh, Sheila?” No response. Tex dropped Locus on the dusty ground and knocked again. “Sheila, hello?”

What was she doing?

There was barely anytime to process Sheila’s strange behavior when A’rynasea got a big red warning on screen and had to dodge the arm of the crane as it swung towards her. She could feel the air push against her nose as she dove under the arm just before she was made into a baseball.

“Nice reflexes!” Sheila told her, now from the crane. How she managed to project her voice like that was a mystery. “And also, I’d love to share files with you, A’rynasea.”

Oh. Hm. That’s strange. A’rynasea is slightly overheating for some reason.

Sheila must be talking about those Minecraft updates she so desperately needs, nothing more. Or maybe she knows that A’rynasea has an N64 emulator too and she wants in on that. She wonders what Sheila’s favorite game is. Maybe Mortal Kombat. Or Galaga. Maybe she had a crush on that spaceship too when she was younger.

Another bottle to the nose brought her out of her musings. This time the thrower was Tex.

“Yeah, I’ve been working on my arm!” she yelled. A’rynasea narrowly pulled up just as she was about to crash into a cliff. Her field of vision must be out of focus. Maybe she should look into contacts. Or glasses.

Sheila used the load the crane was carrying to knock into piles of materials that were blocking their way, as well as scaring off the rest of the bottle tossers. It was impressive how enthusiastic she was creating destruction, masterfully knocking down half formed buildings and stacks of glass panes. A’rynasea really liked the cut of her jib. Haha. Tex was cheering her on from the ground, and Locus was still passed out in the dirt. Bet he’d like a car wash right about now.

Even with all of Sheila’s condo scrambling, the arm of the crane couldn’t possibly reach far enough to create a clear path to the garage. The ends could maybe reach the garage if she swings the right way, but even if she did jump into the new ship, there’s no way she could get out without damaging it.

A’rynasea did another scan, because her initial one would not suffice any more. This place was as messed up as a Chuck E. Cheese birthday party, and she only knows what that is because Locus tells her horror stories of his parties his mother would set up for him there. Then again, he did have them there until he was fifteen, so it’s understandable if they were horrific. At least he got birthday parties.

She calculated the length of the arm and how far it could swing its hook, as well as the distance from the tower to the garage.

/Sheila, drop the load./

Barely a second after A’rynasea’s message sent, the stack of steel beams dangling from the crane crashed to the ground in a puff of smoke. Luckily Tex dragged Locus’s body away just in time, or he’d have another characteristic of a pancake.

/Try to swing the hook and wedge it under the roof of the garage./

This part, A’rynasea had to dodge for. It took a couple tries, but Sheila successfully managed to hook it under the tin roof of the garage. 

Unfortunately for all of them, in the process she managed to disturb the pile of gravel A’rynasea had originally landed on.

“My fucking rocks! What have you done!” The contractor from before ran out of the somehow intact office she was in and bolted towards her ruined rock pile. She was oblivious to the ruined...well, ruined everything else around her.

Rule number one. Never fuck with a woman’s rock pile.

Sheila used the distraction as an opportunity to jerk the arm to the side and peel the roof of the garage off like it was the icing on a Zinger. Just as soon, the crane halted.

Tex cheered and threw her sunglasses up in the air. A’rynasea didn’t have any sunglasses to throw, but she lowered to the ground and blinked her lights.

The new ship started up and raised through the now exposed roof. And then it stuttered. “That’s not good,” Sheila told them. “The ship’s battery is at five percent. It’s….running off of an iPhone 6 battery.”

Dear God. This really does just keep getting worse.

Footsteps shuffled through the dirt behind them, accompanied with an evil cackle. “Trying to steal my new phone, huh?” The contractor grinned wickedly. “You aren’t going anywhere on five percent battery. It’s basically dead. And now you will pay for ruffling my rocks.” She reminded them of the condo crusher. Punch, punch, twelve-to-six.

“Not so fast.”

_ Gasp! _

Locus pulled himself up to a kneel. “I have a ten foot charging cable. And A’rynasea has a USB port.” Does she? Whatever, a Deus ex machina at its finest.

Condo Crushing Contractor clutched her chest, taking five imaginary damage. “No…”

Locus plugged one end of the charging cable under A’rynasea’s cylindrical wings and the other end under one of Sheila’s curved wings. A’rynasea got a pop up asking if she wanted to transfer Mikaela’s photos onto her device. No thank you, she already has enough horny pics to deal with.

Tex climbed Sheila’s ship. “Anyways…we’re just gonna steal this for a bit. Probably won’t return it but....y’know. Not much you can do about it right now.”

Locus shook his head. “I’m so sorry. I’m supposed to be a changed man but-”

“Get on your ship, Lucas,” Tex commanded.

A’rynasea lowered her ramp and Locus climbed on, rubbing the bruise blossoming under his eye.

As they lifted off the ground, Tex poked her head out of the cockpit. “Your shit just witnessed a bisexual tornado, bitch! Sorry about your rocks!”

Mikaela shook her fist up in the air. “You will pay! And it’s going to be a lot of money! Because you guys really wrecked my whole shit up, but more importantly I’m still paying off my phone for the next two years and that costs way more than this whole operation. I’ll find you, and I’ll fine you!”

The ruined construction site of Valhalla grew smaller and smaller as they boosted off into the inky black of space.

That was enough excitement to make up for her years of dormancy inside that Chorus vehicle bay. If A’rynasea’s father knew of the destruction she helped cause, he’d be very disappointed. Or maybe pleased. It was hard to tell with him, although he was a toaster. A ding was a ding, but some were more ding-y than others.

“I can’t believe I helped participate in that. After my redemption arc too.” Locus sighed from the pilot’s seat and buried his face in his hands.

The open channel to Sheila’s ship crackled. “‘Participate’ my ass,” Tex’s voice rang through. “You got taken down by lemon-lime flavored sugar water. Thought you were supposed to be a badass.”

“My weakness is idiocy.”

While they argued over the radio, A’rynasea sent Sheila a message once her battery levels reached an acceptable level.

/Are you okay?/

Her response was almost immediate.

/I’m feeling better than ever! Although all this excitement is a bit overwhelming. :)/

Well, that makes sense. It probably was a bit jarring to sit somewhere for years on low power, with only classic Minecraft, and then to wake up and jump between multiple vehicles while also being pelted by hundreds of plastic bottles.

/Your skills with that crane were admirable./

Was that weird to say? It was honest, it couldn’t be that weird.

/Thank you, A’rynasea! I must say your flying maneuvers are admirable as well! Also, you are designed beautifully ;)/

_!!! _

“Jesus, A’rynasea are you trying to fry me like a slice of thick cut bacon!? Hickory smoked?!” Locus pulled his feet up off the floor and into his chair. She hadn’t realized she was so overheated. Maybe she did need repairs. Or maybe it’s just her dad’s genes coming out.

As soon as she managed to cool the cabin again, she displayed ,“My apologies,” on the screen.

Sheila needed a response, and for once A’rynasea couldn’t form one. She didn’t know how to process her message, or why it was really crossing her wires. She couldn’t just say a ‘you too.’ That wouldn’t hold the same feeling. After all, Sheila just shapeshifted three times in the past hour, so saying ‘you look hot too’ was kinda...weak.

It didn't matter what mechanical exoskeleton she was possessing, Sheila was the most beautiful amalgamation of metal A’rynasea has witnessed since the day she was manufactured. And she needed to somehow convey that in some combination of binary.

It took her a few more minutes to piece together a response, a few minutes more than it normally would. Maybe she’s having issues with accessing her dictionary ever since she changed ‘porta-potty’ to ‘shit-box.’ Maybe it was something acting buggy in her code that was leaving her directions to branch off into nowhere. Something like that.

/Well, I think you are programmed beautifully. <3/

Ugh, another human emotion, one she’d rather not experience. Embarrassment. That was a weak compliment; that was a Locus level weak compliment. And the heart? What was she thinking?! It must be a virus, that’s the only explanation for her weak game.

Sheila didn’t respond, even a minute after A’rynasea sent the message. It was too much. She was probably weirded out or maybe even laughing at her weak game. She could try and blame it on Locus, but she couldn’t lose her dignity like him too.

What if she was married? There wasn’t a ring on her finger, but…wait, they don’t have fingers! Well, if she was married, her spouse isn’t that great if they left her to rust under a cliff. So maybe that wasn’t so important.

Wait...what if she didn’t like Cyndi Lauper? That might be a deal-breaker, one that A’rynasea didn’t know was a deal-breaker until now. But what if she did like Cyndi Lauper enough to challenge A’rynasea’s like for her. What if Sheila was married to Cyndi Lauper? What if A’rynasea had to fight Cyndi Lauper for Sheila’s affections?

She needed to stop thinking about it before her circuits fried and they’d all be fucked.

“A’rynasea, did Grif respond to my messages?” Locus asked her once again.

“No, he never opened your messages to begin with,” she displayed on screen.

Again, he pouted and dropped his chin into his hands, elbows propped up on his knees. The exact pose of a man who partied with Chuck E. Cheese for the first fifteen years of his life.

All he wanted was a friend. A’rynasea could understand. It’s not fun to be alone.

“Hey,” Tex said over the radio. “I can smell your desperation from here, Lucas. Am I not good company or something?”

“Uh…”

A message chimed on the screen, and A’rynasea wasn’t quick enough to hide it. Locus only raised an eyebrow.

“It was nothing,” A’rynasea wrote out quickly. “I’m a bit buggy today. Hahaha.”

She secretly opened the message once she saw it was from Sheila and tried not to microwave Locus again.

/You sure do know how to make a girl’s engine purr ;) <333 What are you doing later A’rynasea?? ;D/

MISSION SUCCESS!!

Who would’ve thought that she’d have such mad robo-lesbian game??? Take that Dad!!

“Ruh roh, we got trouble,” Tex mumbled over the radio. “And I don’t think it’s the pizza I ordered.”

Sure enough, A’rynasea noted sixteen specks on her radar that were quickly pursuing them. They must not be aware of the speed limits around these parts because they are right up on her bumper.

Locus sat up in his seat. “Shit, I can’t go back to jail!” He’s never been to jail, despite the countless times A’rynasea’s wanted to turn him in. Refusal to car wash should be a crime.

These newcomers looked familiar.

They were ships much like the one Sheila was inhabiting currently, more Despair-class hunter-killers (a few in rose gold.)

A call request appeared on screen from a ‘Michelle’; Locus hesitantly accepted it.

“Told y'all I’d find ya,” the familiar voice of Mikaela rang through. “Now give me my phone back, or we’ll have no choice but to fire!”

“Oof,” Tex said back. “Not really possible right now. We’re still borrowing it. Also, you got games on your phone?”

The Bisexual Disaster really wasn’t helping the situation right now, especially since a warning shot was fired just above A’rynasea’s wing. Watch the fins bucko.

“Mia! Careful where you shoot! I didn’t get a warranty!” Mikaela said over the open channel.

Tex laughed at her foolishness. “You can’t shoot us! How’re you going to make us give you back your phone?”

Another shot fired and, fortunately, A’rynasea was able to dodge it just in the nick of time. Unfortunately, she almost yanked the charger out of her new USB port, and it wouldn’t be the most ideal thing to stop sharing power with Sheila at a time like this.

It’s not like she could fight back. They were keeping a safe distance behind her, and her dumb parental controls. Maybe she could tap her brakes and they’d run into her, but they might also run into Sheila, and that cannot happen under any circumstances.

“You had your chance to surrender, thots! Now you must die!” The sound of a whoosh, whoosh, WHOOSH followed. “You’ll learn not to mess with us. Sisters, ATTACK!!”

A barrage of energy beams bombarded A’rynasea, most she could dodge, but being on the defensive could only go so far. She was getting hit a lot on her left side, and her ass, which was just plain rude.

“Lucas!” Tex shouted over the radio. “A’rynasea’s getting wrecked by those things! You might wanna put in your special password and let her blow a couple of those bitches to bits!”

Locus was practically ripping out his hair, probably because if A’rynasea goes down, he does too. “I can’t! We can’t risk turning around to fight back! That charging cable was eleven bucks!”

“Damn, bounty hunting must not pay like it used to,” Tex muttered. “A’rynasea, try to hold out. We’re almost there.”

That was no problem. She was still operating at almost full capacity, she should be fine. She was small enough to dodge most of their fire, and besides, it hardly did anything to her hard exter-

_ OOF! _

_ RIGHT IN THE BELLY BUTTON!!! _

One of the ships positioned lower in the fleet managed to get her right in her underside, and for a second she frazzled out. Hopefully they didn’t notice.

“A’rynasea, are you okay?!” Locus frantically looked over her display and saw her power drain a significant amount.

“I am fine! Just a kick to the nuts is all!” In actuality, that shit hurted.

Also bad was that apparently the others noticed how A’rynasea was damaged after that last one, she never did have the best poker face.

So now she was having to dodge shots to her only weak spot. Why did she even have to be designed with a weak spot?! At least that was easier in the sense she didn’t have to worry about her other parts, but there were a lot of projectiles to dodge. It’s a piece of cake, she’s played video games before, she knows how this works.

And Dad said video games were going to ruin her processors. Well, look at her now.

Something popped up on her radar, and just a moment later a warning flashed up on screen. They were entering into an asteroid field. Now she could easily nosebutt--...demolish space rocks with her nose. But she didn’t want to put Sheila in danger. Or Tex. Or Locus, but mainly Sheila.

Maneuvering through these big ole rocks would usually be a good time, but now she was dedicating a good portion of her power to trying to find gaps safe enough to pass through. Nobody wanted a clipped wing.

Because of that, her dodging was getting sloppy and the sister squad behind them was barely bothered by this asteroid field. They must have portable chargers or something. Screw you Apple for these dangerous iPhones.

Thankfully they were getting close to their destination, but at this point and under these conditions, A’rynasea wasn’t sure she’d last till then.

A few more beams managed to hit her underbelly and she was worried that she’d risk overheating if she didn’t go offline and give more power to the rest of the ship. But she couldn’t leave Locus in this alone.

After another hit and a blinking red light on her dashboard, Sheila started slowing down. “A’rynasea, you should get in front of me. You aren’t looking good,” she fretted.

“I cannot do that,” she responded back. “This charger is the only thing keeping you running, and iPhone batteries suck.”

Tex chimed in. “I agree with Sheila here. You don’t know how banged up you look. Not in a fun way either.”

Maybe she should just go for cover, but Locus did spend eleven bucks on that iPhone charger. And she knows very well what his bank account looks like. Jeepers.

Before she could go through the probabilities of Sheila’s offer, a final kick to the nuts shut that part of her brain down, and she lost control of all of her other functions. Like when a human pisses themselves, there’s not much to do to stop it.

One by one, each system she had control over was taken from her grasp, until she ultimately shut down, leaving Locus to pilot by himself.

She’s never had to completely shut off. Sleep mode, sure, but that was a straight up knock out. Hopefully, she wakes back up. And not in A.I. heaven. The talk her Dad would give her about “you see, those video games got you here” would just be embarrassing, and she just learned how to access that feeling. But if everyone else was okay, maybe the talk would be fine.

_ WHAM! _

“A’RYNASEA! WAKE THE FUCK UP!”

Her systems came back online, as well as ...Spotify and Discord struggling to start up. This is why she doesn’t shut down.

Tex was slapping her nose like it was a pair of bongo drums. So she isn’t dead, unless Tex died too.

The temperature was  96 **°** F or 35 **°** C. Although it was much hotter in her cabin and--was she on fire? The air was dry and the sun was overbearing. She was leaning up under the shade of a cliff and--

Oh.

She’s crashed. Her ass is crashed, but she’s alive.

“Hey, you!” Tex snapped her fingers. “You’re finally awake! Crashed right into Blood Gulch, same as us, and that bitch over there.” She turned to motion to Locus on the other side of the canyon, trying to placate Mikaela, who was agonizing over her barely scratched ship. “Damn, you Stormcloaks. Skyrim was fine-”

A’rynasea flashed her lights to get Tex’s attention. More to stop her from talking any more. She wanted to ask where Sheila was, and if she was okay, but she realized how hard that would be. Luckily, Tex must have understood what she was wondering. A.I. telepathy or something like that.

“Me and Sheila totally saved y’all’s asses.” She flexed her muscles through her Hawaiian shirt. “You went all dead, and Sheila went wHOOSH and shielded your gut, piggybacked you back here until she ran out of juice. Meanwhile, Locus was crying and sucking on his thumb-”

Locus glared at her as he approached behind her. “That did not happen at all. You’re just trying to make me look bad.” He crossed his arms, probably trying to act tough. Really hard to do that when the guy had a black eye and a scratch on his cheek with a Spongebob bandaid covering it. “Besides, even if I did cry--which I totally didn’t-- my eye is too swollen to release tears.”

“You really got me,” Tex drawled. “Anyways, glad you’re back A’rynasea. We’ll get you fixed up in no time.”

A’rynasea heard the rumble of tracks approaching behind her, and just as soon appeared a tank, its hull covered in worn stickers and shallow scratches.

“A’rynasea! You’re awake!”

Thankfully Sheila wasn’t like Tex and didn’t continue the copypasta. Seeing her okay made this whole...being crashed under a cliff worth it.

/You’ve got your body back! That’s great!/

Sheila nodded with her turret. “All thanks to you. I was worried you wouldn’t make it. We never even got to share any files with each other…”

Sometimes A’rynasea wished she did have traits of a human body, at least a hand. So that maybe Sheila would also have a hand, and maybe...they could hold each other’s.

/Well...it doesn’t seem like I’ll be moving from here for a while./

/I think you’re extraordinary, Sheila. I’d like to spend more time with you./

…

/Would you mind if I stayed here with you?/

The millisecond it took Sheila to respond felt like two. “Well, now I don’t have to ask! I’d be happy to have you here with me, A’rynasea.”

Was this a moment? Because Locus ruined it with a groan and the scratching of a pencil on his notepad. “Why can’t I ever keep a partner?”

“There, there,” Tex pat his back. “I can be your new partner. But I also have a habit of leaving and not coming back.”

Locus shrugged. “That’s fine. I’m used to it.”

“Cool! Let’s call an Uber and go get some pizza, Locus. Leave the lovebirds to themselves.” She pulled her shades back on. “We’ll be back to fix you up, A’rynasea. Mama’s got an appetite, though.”

As they left, Locus patted her broken wing and wished her luck, like a father sending his daughter off to college.

Sheila turned back to A’rynasea. “I can’t wait until you get better! I can show you the spot I blasted Tex’s ex boyfriend!”

Suddenly, A’rynasea felt like she could finally understand what Cyndi Lauper meant with 'Unconditional Love.’

Even if she was currently on fire and bent in the weirdest of angles, even if she no longer cared about her wishes to travel through space, even if she’d never fully understand love in the way humans do. Because she has a fucking girlfriend and she’s a fucking tank!

Now, if only her GPS worked so she could find a car wash around here...

**Author's Note:**

> i know the ending is rushed, but i didnt really have a clear ending in mind with this. also sorry for really shaming locus in this one oof, but i think he came out of it just fine  
> and i know a'rynasea doesnt have a personality...or really anything other than a name but this is just how i picture her. she loves car washes and she loves 80s bops. and tex has been on vacation all of these past few seasons, thats whats up  
> like comment and subscribe for more and dont forget to whap that notification bell okay seeya later gaymers


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